


please get too close to me

by ohallows



Series: podcast girls week 2020 [7]
Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Nightmares, discussions of what sasha deserves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:00:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25222024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohallows/pseuds/ohallows
Summary: Sasha wakes with a jolt, hand unconsciously slipping under her pillow for a knife that hasn’t been there in five years. It takes her a moment to remember where she is, that she’s not still living in the barracks under Barrett’s house, with only Brock around to trust. To remember that she’s here, in the flat that she shares with Azu, that they’ve shared for the past six years, that she’s lived in for even longer.
Relationships: Azu/Sasha Racket
Series: podcast girls week 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1820245
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35
Collections: Podcast Girls Week





	please get too close to me

**Author's Note:**

> happy last day of girls week!! ty to the mods running it this was super fun to participate in and i’m v glad that rqg knocked it out of the park fjekdjekd can u tell we’re desperate for lady content 
> 
> okay sasha has a nightmare and azu comforts her that’s it that’s the fic.
> 
> haha no i’m not projecting YOURE projecting haha what

Sasha wakes with a jolt, hand unconsciously slipping under her pillow for a knife that hasn’t been there in five years. It takes her a moment to remember where she is, that she’s not still living in the barracks under Barrett’s house, with only Brock around to trust. To remember that she’s here, in the flat that she shares with Azu, that they’ve shared for the past six years, that she’s lived in for even longer. 

She pulls her hand back out, missing the familiar weights of the spring-loaded wrist sheaths laying against her skin, and gently moves Azu’s arm off from around her waist. It’s a delicate thing, not to wake her, but Sasha was trained in robbing someone blind without them even knowing, so moving her girlfriend’s arm to the side is an easy enough task for her. She sits up as carefully once she doesn’t think that she’ll disturb Azu, resting her head against the backboard. Her hand shakes as she reaches over and grabs her phone from the end table, glancing at the clock, screen too bright in the pitch dark room. 

Three in the morning. Too early for Sasha to get up and grab a book from the bookshelf, too early to go make a cup of coffee, too early to sit on the couch and stare out at the city as it slowly comes to life. She sighs, rubbing at her temples and then her eyes, trying to push the images from the nightmare out of her mind. 

Azu stirs next to her and Sasha jumps, cursing silently. She’d been trying not to wake her; Azu’s had so many late nights at the hospital recently, and she deserves to spend her very limited time off not having to comfort Sasha instead of sleeping. Shite. Azu stretches, patting the mattress a bit until her hand lands on Sasha’s thigh, making a small, confused noise. 

“Sorry,” she mutters as Azu blinks awake, glancing blearily up at her as she yawns. 

“Sasha? How early is it?” she asks, and Sasha glances guiltily down at the clock. 

“Three,” she says, quiet, and Azu hums, scooting a bit closer to her until her head is resting against Sasha’s hip. 

“Did you have another nightmare?” Azu asks, and Sasha considers lying, for a second, saying that she was just going to get up and go to the bathroom, but Azu’s always been able to easily see through everything. 

“Yeah,” she answers honestly, and lets her hand settle on Azu’s head, fingertips brushing against her freshly-shaved head. “It wasn’t that bad, though. Just… needed to think.”

“Really?” Azu doesn’t look completely convinced as she stares up at her, so Sasha leans down and presses a kiss to her temple. 

“It’s fine. Go back to sleep, I know you’re exhausted,” Sasha says, voice quiet in the stillness of the room, and Azu sits up, rubbing at her eyes.

“Not until you do, love,” she says, voice thick with sleep, and Sasha can’t hide the slight smile that cracks across her face, even as the guilt creeps along her veins. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Sasha shakes her head. Talking about it doesn’t normally make her feel any better, not the way Azu likes to talk about things or Hamid likes to talk about things. For her, talking about things just makes all the feelings of fear and anxiety come rushing to the forefront even more. “Thanks, but I think I’m just gonna sit here for a bit. Really, Azu, go back to sleep. I promise I’ll be alright,” Sasha cajoles. She loves Azu, she really does, but Azu has a terrible (read: incredible, honestly) habit of putting everyone’s care before her own. 

“Mm,” Azu says, resting her arm across Sasha’s waist as she tangles their fingers together. “Do you need anything? Water?”

“No,” Sasha whispers, and leans over to rest her chin against Azu’s temple. “This is enough.”

Azu sighs, content, and Sasha can feel the last vestiges of the dreams start to slowly lose the grip they have on her brain. Having Azu here is usually enough to stave them off completely, but sometimes they sneak in at the most inopportune of times, too quickly for her to realise and get a distraction. 

So, instead of thinking about it, Sasha lays down and cuddles closer to Azu, just breathing in deep as she tries to calm her pulse back to its normal pace. 

“I don’t deserve you, Azu,” she whispers, and it’s half a joke and half the truth, something she can’t always hide away from. 

Azu makes a surprised noise and pushes herself up on one arm, looking down at Sasha with a frown. “What?” she asks, brows pulling together. 

“N - nothing,” Sasha stammers, wishing she hadn’t said anything out loud. “Just - I’m good, now, let’s go back to sleep.”

“Sasha.” Sasha shrinks away when Azu says her name like that, firm and confused and yet somehow still loving. 

“S’just…” Sasha starts, glancing around at the room they share, and feeling like it’s all temporary. “You’re just…  _ good,” _ she says, feeling almost helpless with it, and Azu’s face is completely unreadable as Sasha turns back to look at her. “I don’t know why you’re wasting -“

“Sasha,” Azu says, cutting her off with a sigh, and Sasha braces herself for a rejection even though she  _ knows  _ Azu wouldn’t, even though they’ve been together for years now and the matching rings on their fingers mean that they both unequivocally want to be together for even longer. “I love you.  _ You.” _

Sasha knows this, she really does, it’s just… hard to remember, sometimes, when the spectre of her past is rearing its ugly head and reminding her of all the mistakes she made. “I -“

“Shh,” Azu says, gentle as she always is, and presses a finger to Sasha’s lips. “I love you, because you’re lovely, and smart, and funny, and awkward sometimes, and you do little things to show people around you how much you care. I love when you sneak me food in the hospital even if I have no idea how you got past the guards. I love seeing you work with the kids before they have to come into their rooms, making them feel safe. I love how you try so many different things like… eel and rat and all of that. I love you because you’re  _ you _ , and I’ve been in love with you for five years now and that isn’t going to change. This isn’t a question of what you  _ deserve.  _ You’re good  _ too,  _ Sasha, and I will  _ always  _ want to be with you. And I’ll keep reminding you until you believe it.”

Sasha definitely isn’t crying, even a little bit, but dreams that have Eldarion in them always make her a little more emotional than she’s perfectly comfortable being. “I - sorry, I didn’t want to -“

“You don’t have to apologise for needing reassurance,” Azu says, and runs her fingers through Sasha’s hair. “I’m all too happy to talk about how I’m in love with you, whenever you need.”

She sinks down after that, laying next to Sasha and staring at her in the dark. It’s still so early, and Sasha is so tired, and the bags under Azu’s eyes make her feel more guilty rather than less, but the conviction and understanding in them makes her chest feel warm, feel  _ settled.  _ She closes her eyes, feeling Azu’s fingers stall in her hair, and then Azu’s pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead before Azu lets herself fall back gently onto the bed, pressing her and Sasha’s foreheads together.

“Is this alright?” Azu asks, and Sasha nods, can’t nod fast  _ enough _ as Azu wraps her in her arms, tucking Sasha’s head into her neck as Sasha finally stops shaking, finally stops feeling lost in a spiral of self-doubt and guilt. It’s still there, in the back of her mind, maybe always will be, but Azu’s arms are a temporary barrier, a way for Sasha to ward off the thoughts that normally she’s so good at ignoring during the day. 

“I love you too, Azu,” she whispers, over and over and over again until the words feel like nonsense in her mouth. She presses a kiss to Azu’s jaw, to her neck, to her shoulder, and tries to convey the depth of the emotion she feels through her lips, when words just won’t do. 

“I love  _ you _ ,” Azu whispers again, lips brushing against Sasha’s cheeks, and Sasha turns half an inch to press their lips together, just for a moment, before settling into Azu’s embrace, finding comfort in her arms. 

Maybe it won’t take her that long to fall asleep after all.


End file.
